someone threw a dead crab at me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
