I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
