I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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