Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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