i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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