OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
