Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
