my room smells like sperm. sweet.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
