I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
A+ Viking dick
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
