Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
