Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
