This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
