That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
