considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Mom said you looked used
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Randomize
