i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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