You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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