I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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