i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
