The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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