The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
