Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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