She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
