Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
