I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
