WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
