i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
