I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
is wine microwaveable?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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