My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize