dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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