I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
