So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
