Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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