Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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