I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i think im in europe. pls send help
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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