How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
two words...techno handjob
So many bounce houses so little time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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