remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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