Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
