I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
