don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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