Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
