im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize