I'm so fucking centered right now
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
