last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im holly from the hills drunk
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
