just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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