It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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