So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
