I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
