You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
