His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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