could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
