Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
