you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize