Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Someone shit on the floor
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
