I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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