I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
