i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
