Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
