I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
