I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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