i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
