Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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