every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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