my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
