He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
