this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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