i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
