I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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