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So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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