Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
