And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
